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BB41 – Immortalis

November 24, 2012

The universe of EVE is not without its drama and epic stories, both in and out of game. Imagine a publisher, movie studio or television network asked you to prepare a pitch for a new brand of EVE-flavoured entertainment. This could be your big break, what would be your synopsis to bring New Eden to the wider audience?
The nervous man in the brand new suit was determined to make the most of the pitch to the studio executives sitting in front of him. He was all too aware of the psychological impact of the size of the office, let alone the size of the desk which, had it been afloat, would have required its own captain, crew and several dozen warning lights.

Still, the clammy sweat was running down the small of his back, and he knew, he just KNEW the execs could see his forehead shining despite the coolness of the air-conditioning.

“Gentlemen” said the man, “I have two proposals for you today, both are on a multi-season, story-arc basis. One driven from the perspective of a space ship pilot, more of a hard science fiction emphasis. The other is heavily character driven, where the impact of a sudden uplift to immortality is measured, both in terms of the loss of humanity of the pilot and on the affect on his family”.

“These proposals should be considered with a view of the successes of Battlestar Galactica, and also by the underground and sleeper hits that produced major longer terms DVD sales. Babylon 5 and Firefly, and the offshoot movie Serenity are perfect examples of this. I am sure you are aware of the sales figures”.

“Finally, the Joss Whedon effect. His major and recent successes, coupled with his appeal to a wide audience should not be discounted. His experience in the production of similar programs would be invaluable. Obviously getting him on board would be a major win…”

The “Hard” Option – Scene setting opener followed by back story in subsequent episodes. Emphasis is technology, visual effects, combat and one major character with support cast.

Likely to appeal to men ranged 17 to 45, though with the right actor, may have significant appeal to the female demographic.


Season 1 – Episode 1 intro – Perspective

Opening shot – Medical bay, man standing beside high tech life support bed. An extremely old man lies under white sheets, obviously deeply unconscious. Bones protrude, visible even under the coverings. Life support mechanisms cycle slowly.

Pan and zoom in from behind standing man for close up on dying ancient. Takes in golden capsuleer implants, but does not capture face.

Medical officer enters room and says to standing man “He has been the final stages of a coma for seven days. We expect only few more hours now given the scale of organ failure. The hibernation technology back then was not very forgiving on the body. Still, remarkable he has survived so many years”.

Cut to the standing man. He is shockingly beautiful. Face without flaw or blemish. Almost inhuman, especially the burning eyes riveted on the dying ancient. (pause – no response)

Cut to medical official disposition becoming nervous “I know I’m not supposed to ask, but I’ve been looking after him for over two years now sir… what is it like to watch yourself die? Your original body I mean… um, sir?”

Cut back to capsuleer. Eyes raise up from the bed finally (close up) to nail the med officer with one look “I am immortal. And all too well acquainted with death. Both in the giving and the receiving of it…

Fast cuts to various space ships and installations being destroyed in different ways, capsules and last a naked body in space accompanied by a mental scream and blurred perspective, morph (zoom in/out) between opening eyes of someone lying in a medical bay to capsuleer’s face.

“That is not a question I would advise you ask another capsuleer. Ever”.

Medical officer stutters an apology and leaves the room. The capsuleers eyes drop back to his ancient and unused form. Close up on face, slow zoom in, and break to opening sequence…


The “Soft” Option – Emphasis is family and character development. A space “adventure” show colored by two different view points that start very similar but have an increased disparity over time. The “uplifted”, the capsuleers for who money is nearly no object versus the “ground grubbers” grafting out their lives. Ensemble case required.

Likely to have a broad appeal, especially the technology savvy generation Z coming into their own as far as income/spend goes.


Season 1 – Episode 1 – Tenure

Opening credits. Family montage, followed by introduction of each individual (starring…) Space and ship shots interspersed.

High tech high rise. Looks good from a distance. Zoom and zoom in again. Closer ups show general state of decay of the building. Large window, one of many – all identical. Breakfast scene, low/middle class family, still with an amount of technology, but obviously not the latest. A little too small for the amount of people. Clothes worn but good. Later counterpoint shows clothing “old-style” by comparison.

Father with “smart paper” talking to daughter who is sitting down with a bowl of generic blandness. “..sure your scores are good. Good but not great. Except perhaps for astro-physics of all things. I know that was one you just took to fill out the semester, but astro-physics? And as for “Psycho-social engineering and its effects on the productivity of terraforming projects…”?

“I really don’t know what you’re going to do once school finishes…”

Cut to young woman pulling a face. It’s not clear if its the cereal or the obviously well recycled speech. Wolfing down her food, she says, “Uh-huh, gotta go”, yells “bye Mum, love you” and races out the door and corridor to join the lines in the central core for the mass elevators.

Cut scene – entering finishing school. Latest fashions and looks (money/technology) are everywhere. The girl stands out by her comparative plainness of dress. Checking her older style pod (It’s a solid! Not even a holographic feed! OMG!!!) for her schedule for the day, she sees the day is blocked for an interview. No detail. Report to the principals office immediately. Quizzical/frown. WTF or latest colloquialism.

Cut to well appointed office… woman behind desk in ultra-modern if restrained garb. Man seated in chair cuts an understated figure in grey suit, black shoes, slicked back corporate hair cut, the Hyasyoda logo discreet but visible on left breast. Steaming up of green tea on the chair arm.

“Ah, do come in Genevieve. Have a seat. This is Mr Smith from the Hyasyoda head office. As you are aware, one of the factors of living in a Hyasyoda block and, more importantly, going to a Hyasyoda school, is that promising students are sometimes identified for a higher calling”.

“Mr Smith has noted your progress and particularly your potential to join the Hyasyoda Capsuleer Program. Given your grandparents and parents, worked all their lives for the company, I am sure there will be no objection to what he may propose. Mr Smith”?

Cut to the slick corporate man who turns the cup slightly with the merest hint of a frown creasing his brow before looking at the young woman.

“Yes. Well. We prefer not to discuss the generational indebtedness with prospective recruits at this stage, however since the subject has been broached, I may as well be clear on what we are offering.”

“I am sure Gen, may I call you Gen, is a smart young woman and will understand.” The accompanying smile does not reach his eyes.

“What the Hyasyoda Mega Corporation is offering you, Genevieve West, is a full upgrade  immediately to capsuleer, contingent on the final medical assay. We pay for all services and the implants which we will own until your tenure is complete. In addition, we will forgive your parents 50% of their credit line and all overdue funds. This alone will save them more than 500 ISK per week”.

“In return, you will commit to pay 10% of all earnings for the next 25 years in our employ. An eyeblink for an immortal”.

“I believe you to be a smart young woman. This is a generous offer and one only open for a short period of time. You and your parents will be given the rest of the day off to consider your answer. I will see you here, this time tomorrow. The documentation is in your personal cloud now if you wish to read it “.

“You may go”.

Cut scene – leaving school against the wave of humanity going into it. Eyes wide, slightly shocked. People staring at someone going the wrong way. Cut scene – public transport nearly empty going home. Cut scene – opening door to apartment. Cut to family sitting around table, obvious concern and worry on faces. Door closing (sequence end  – break to advertisement, network feed).


There you have it. Two very good scenarios complete with possible first episode basis, and certainly enough for audience testing to start. Do you have any questions gentlemen?

No? Thank you for your time. If I may be so bold as to book another time with your secretary on the way out…….?


Wow. That turned into something (or two somethings) a little bigger than first anticipated. Hope you enjoy reading. Perhaps it might give some of you other Banterers a little kick along too 🙂


From → Eve Online

  1. Ok, I hereby swear I did not read your piece before coming up with my own idea for a pitch with a director. I like your version a lot though.

    • Well, EvE lends itself to certain things. So I wouldn’t worry about it. In fact, it’s kind of nice to see others thinking along similar lines. A little external validation if you will.

      Like your version too 🙂

  2. Wow, this made my hair stand on end. You are gifted with writing, if the above were 2 intros for books, I would buy immediately.

    • Hi Norbert,

      Thanks. I did some student radio a while back and it makes things easier oddly enough. Something to do with the way you translate your mental voice and the visual thinking (images) into words on a page.

      I’m not gifted though, this took time and effort, most especially in the editing and re-writing once the concepts had formed. Writing is HARD. No wonder novels take a year or two to craft.

      Lois McMaster Bujold, Iain M Banks, Charlie Stross, Terry Pratchett. They are the gifted ones and some of my favorite authors too btw.

      Thanks though. Really appreciate it..

  3. -K- permalink

    Oh shush, you are so too gifted and its about damn time you accepted it. See, its NOT just me who enjoys your writing 😛 now get busy with more already!

  4. I enjoyed the second pitch to a ridiculous degree. The first felt a little hamhanded (the “don’t ask another capsuleer that” line seemed shoehorned in and corny). But the second one sounded like a movie I’d watch in a heartbeat or a book I’d buy in a second. Actually, if you could make a movie like that, covering both the personal life of said capsuleer and her family, and the conflict she gets swept up in, it could have some pretty serious and broad appeal.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

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